Right Here, Right Now? Thanks, Jesus Jones.

So, there's a reason why there are expressions like "The grass is always greener on the other side," and "You don't know what you've got, til it's gone." (Well actually that's a song, isn't it? Insert appropriate 80's rock ballad singing here.) But sentiments like these exist because, by nature, we seem to long for what we don't have.

I've been whiny. And tired. And, quite frankly, overwhelmed. But that doesn't mean that what I've got right now in my life isn't exactly what I need right now in my life. In my frustrated moments I imagine all I need is change. But change inherently brings good and bad, not just the peachy-keen dreams of professional expression, a nice fat paycheck (yeah, right), and long, leisurely lunches. I pretend that just because things aren't perfect now they could be some other way. And we all know perfect doesn't exist. Not on this planet, anyway.

So I commit to not dreaming of "others" and being right here, right now. Even if that includes running noses, croupy coughs and some regularly timed tantrums. I love my kids. I love my Mr. And no one can give them what I can give them. Me.

Sweet

Time for a Change

I think I have to go back to work. I think despite all of the things I would miss about being home with the kids, the time has come for me to make a change. I'm not good at being home anymore. I have no patience. I have no zest. I have no creativity. I feel drained and tired and overwhelmed. And unhappy.

This is no way for my kids to spend their days. It's not good for them to be home with me if I'm miserable and resentful that I'm home with them. Most days I can hardly stand to make it through the day. When the crying reaches hour four...hour five....I lose it. I feel burdened and put-upon and feel that I take the brunt of all of the bad stuff just because I "have the amazing opportunity to be home with my kids." It's not an amazing opportunity if I can't stand it anymore.

So, I guess it's time for a change. Because if it's not working like this, it has to be able to work another way. Time for a change.

Donut Party

There has been, for some time now, a phenomenon occurring at my house called a "donut party." I don't know how it started, except that somehow my Dad, Ron, realized that 2-year-0lds like sugar and started bringing donuts. Now, Papa Ron's name goes hand-in-hand with Lamar's Donuts, as far as Eliana is concerned, and about twice a month we get to enjoy my Dad, Cherlyn and sugary snacks and coffee.

Eliana adores the regular time with my dad and his girlfriend. Parker is much too jealous of the donuts. He really wants to join in. But he is beginning to love the visits just as much as his sister. I must say, I love them, too. One never knows the way life might change when kids come into the picture. I'm happy to report that it's only made my relationship with my Dad better. I love seeing my parents be grandparents. I love to see how they can't help but love every silly thing about their grandkids. I love knowing that the little boogers that drive me crazy all day are their ray of sunshine. ;)

Thanks for all the donut parties, guys! We love you.

Take Good Care

So, we've moved Parker into "The Kid Room" (it can't very well be just Eliana's room anymore, can it?) tonight. And we have our bedroom back. I can read in bed. I can have a retreat. One that contain a 20 lb. sleeping/snoring baby. I can talk to my husband in a voice louder than a whisper. I can get up in the middle of the night and fear walking past his crib! How strange!

We waited too long for this, but Parker is my baby! I feel more hesitant to move on to the next big step with him, because I know now how short each phase really is. How exciting for us (for me!) that we've reached this one, however delayed. And how exciting for our kids that they will have this time together.

Eliana perked up excitedly as I lay Parker down in the crib that used to be hers, "Parker's sleeping with me!!"
"Yes, love," I whispered. "You can sleep better knowing he's here with you. He'll be your little buddy all night."
"Okay, Mommy!! I take good care of him," she says. And is asleep within minutes. (Although we suspect she got up once or twice to peek in at him.)

Sweet babies.

This is not my beautiful house.....

I've been at this little experiment people call a "blog" for little over a year now. Observation (and a little back reading) has led me to conclude that this is not how I would have pictured my life say, when I was in college. Or traveling 18 times a year for business. Or winning an Emmy (which is still sitting here collecting dust.)

I'm concerned with things like babies. And cooking. And cleaning. (As for that aforementioned Emmy, it appears my cleaning skills could use some improvement.)

And I keep thinking about actually going back to work. But I can't imagine being away from my kids. I love how life can surprise you.

Surprise, surprise.

Me....young and ambitious and 22.
And already head-over-heals in love.

The Face

Parker sucks on his top lip a lot now that his teeth are coming in.
It's super cute. He's adorable.