Time

The clock fell off the wall the other day in the little corner of the N-ICU that has been Parker's for the past two weeks. I think it was a sign.

I've been up and down, good and bad for a bit now. I know that seems perfectly logical from a new mom/postpartum perspective. But, unfortunately, that does not make the feelings any less "feely." But the clock...it fell off the wall. And it made me realize that this will all be over soon. Parker doesn't care what day it is. He's here all to early in the first place and I can't set arbitrary time lines to get him home any faster...he will do it when he's ready.


And then, just like that, big improvements and hopeful faces from our doctors and nurses in the past 12 hours. He's eating well and getting big. He's figuring out what he needs to figure out and he'll be home before I'm probably even ready at this point.

But I know he will come home. And I know Derrick and I have a beautiful family. And I know how lucky we really are. It's just taken me a little bit of time to figure it all out.

Incomplete

I'm slowly learning that "blogging" about the hard stuff is, well, hard. It's a delicate balance of sharing but not over-sharing. Giving away some without all...if that makes any sense. Expressing doubt and sadness and frustration without making friends, family and complete strangers think maybe they should send a police officer over to my house just to check in. But here we are; the hard stuff.

I use the words "blessed" and "grateful" and "excited" and all those things every 10 minutes when referring to our new little Pope, Parker. He's incredible and beautiful and magical like all babies, but this one is ours and that makes him even more amazing. We love him completely and automatically and he has made our family whole.

And yet, I feel more and more sadness and frustration every day that he has to live in the little N-ICU at the hospital. I feel jealous of the nurses who get to spend so much time with him when all I get are 30 minute intervals a couple times a day and I envy the uncomplicated medical simplicity of "normal babies" and their parents. No wires, no tubes, just mom and dad and baby....and then home.

Parker continues to be happy and healthy. We just have to keep waiting. I know the time will come and it will come before I know it. But in the meantime, I wait, and I get frustrated. And I hate being frustrated. I don't know what to do with it.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. More to come....

Easter Blessings

Parker Jackson Pope
April 12, 2009 @ 10:18 a.m.
5 lbs. 7 oz. 18 in.

5 weeks early, but healthy & strong.
We are truly blessed.

Everything happens for a reason?

On one of our rare nights out with friends I had the good luck of being the designated driver to the Westwood "Prom." Derrick's office hosted a winter ball of sorts and six of us drove across town all dressed up for dinner, dancing, and way too much laughing.

On the drive the conversation turned to cliches. You know the sort, "Everything happens for a reason," "When God shuts a door, he opens a window," "Never judge a book by it's cover." That sort of thing. And the general consensus was that we all hate these cliches and never want to hear or use them. Ever. We laughed about them all night.

I think the most abhorred was "It is what it is."

Well, right now, I'm thinking that everything happens for a reason and....it is what it is.

Last Wednesday I started having strong contractions (at 33 weeks) that landed me in the hospital for two days. We got everything under control with some regular medication and now I'm home for the duration of the pregnancy on strict bed rest. We're optimistic that we can get to 35 or 36 weeks and our little guy will be born healthy and strong without a stint in the N-ICU like his big sister two years before.

We're grateful that he seems to be thriving even if his mommy has a problem making it full term with her little Pope babies. We're so blessed to have so much help and assistance from our friends and family. The food, the visits, the Eliana-wrangling. It's all more than I could ask for...but they never make me ask.

There must be some reason why this happens to us....but who knows what it is. I only know that it makes me love my husband more than I ever thought possible to see him deal with everything so effortlessly. He never lets anything fall through the cracks. And sometimes I think I can see how much he loves me. It also reminds me how eternally grateful I am that our little girl is healthy and strong despite her early start.

And while I hate bed rest, it is what it is. We'll do what we need to do. And we'll welcome a bright, shiny baby into the world soon enough.

No Joke!! Derrick is Done!

CONGRATULATIONS
DERRICK L. POPE

You Finished Your MBA!
You're the smartest kid on the block!

(Okay, so we don't have a cap and gown picture, yet. But this one is nice!!
It has the same serious tone, don't you think?)

We love you more than you could ever imagine and are so proud of everything you've accomplished.

You inspire us all with your dedication, your compassion, and your incredible drive to motivate all of us to be the very best at whatever we choose.

You are an amazing person and a big smarty-pants.

Congratulations. You're my hero.