Incomplete

I'm slowly learning that "blogging" about the hard stuff is, well, hard. It's a delicate balance of sharing but not over-sharing. Giving away some without all...if that makes any sense. Expressing doubt and sadness and frustration without making friends, family and complete strangers think maybe they should send a police officer over to my house just to check in. But here we are; the hard stuff.

I use the words "blessed" and "grateful" and "excited" and all those things every 10 minutes when referring to our new little Pope, Parker. He's incredible and beautiful and magical like all babies, but this one is ours and that makes him even more amazing. We love him completely and automatically and he has made our family whole.

And yet, I feel more and more sadness and frustration every day that he has to live in the little N-ICU at the hospital. I feel jealous of the nurses who get to spend so much time with him when all I get are 30 minute intervals a couple times a day and I envy the uncomplicated medical simplicity of "normal babies" and their parents. No wires, no tubes, just mom and dad and baby....and then home.

Parker continues to be happy and healthy. We just have to keep waiting. I know the time will come and it will come before I know it. But in the meantime, I wait, and I get frustrated. And I hate being frustrated. I don't know what to do with it.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. More to come....