Be Accountable

How a person deals with stress & anger might be the quickest, clearest, cleanest insight into one's soul. I think so anyway. But because I think this I find it very hard to be a parent some days. Being a parent is stressful. No, actually, being a person is stressful, being a parent is about five grades above that.

Today was one of those days that I had the chance to sit and think about how I act when my kids drive me crazy. I can be calm. Super calm. Crazy calm. And then...I snap. (Ask mom, husband, and former room mates about this. It's true.)

But I hate to "snap" in front of my kids. It's not okay. I know it happens and it will happen again, but that doesn't make it okay. Last week I "accidentally" broke one of my favorite platters while trying to do the dishes amongst the screaming. Today, I flipped out and yelled at Ellie. Some people would think this is terrible, but mind you, a lot of people would say they do the same thing everyday. I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want my kids to see me as that kind of person. So I put myself in a timeout and I thought about it. And I decided that I have to be accountable....just like I teach Ellie and will one day teach Parker.

So...today I yelled. I'm not proud, but I did it. And I'm sorry. And tomorrow I'll try to be a better parent and a better person with a purer soul. But I'm sure it's not the last time I'm gonna yell. I've got too many years of parenthood ahead of me.