Sometimes I'm actually at a loss for words. It doesn't happen to me often, but this week was one of them. I don't know from minute to minute if I'll be feeling fear, pain, faith, trust, anger, acceptance, exhaustion....or just trying to ignore everything I'm feeling for a few blissful minutes.
This week was a very long, scary week in a story that had previously been improving by the day. But again things are looking up.
Here are my mom's words, once again, as we move forward on bringing John home.
Dear All,
Well, much has happened since my last update - life is a whirlwind! John's progress from his initial injuries has been absolutely incredible. He was in the Rehab Unit of the hospital for about 2 weeks where we began physical, speech and occupational therapies. He's been regaining his balance, losing his confusion and becoming more and more desirous of a cheeseburger. With his jaw wired shut, he's been on a pureed diet since he's been allowed to eat again...you can't imagine what some of his meals look like!
On Monday of this week he had an appointment with the jaw doctor and was told it would be at least another week until the wires come off and a week or more beyond that for the brace at the large joint of his jaw. I knew John was disappointed but he responded with, "That's okay. I'm working on patience and acceptance...patience and acceptance." And he truly seemed as though he was doing a good job with both those concepts. (I'm still working on them myself.) He was scheduled to come home on Thursday of this week.
By that evening, however, John was in tremendous pain. It took until mid afternoon on Tuesday to get a CAT scan done and find that he had a very large blood clot in his lung and several more frustrating hours to get him moved out of rehab and up to a medical unit where they could administer pain medications, anti-coagulents and monitor him closely. All of our patience and acceptance was wearing thin as it seemed so unfair that he should have to experience still more after having dealt with the brain injury so positively.
The docs had to weigh the risks of blood thinners to address the blood clot while being so careful to not reinjure his healing brain. When the doctor first told John about the condition and the complications, John responded, "yes, please" when he had to answer resucitative questions in the event of emergency. The first time John was in a life and death situation, he didn't know it. This time he did. The "I love you's" that we shared held a very different quality that night and John woke with a smile the next morning just to know that he was, indeed, waking up...still alive. These past few days John has experienced pain at a level I can't even begin to understand.
Today he's feeling better - the pain in his chest is nearly gone. He'll be on blood thinners for at least the next 6 months but he can live with that (pun intended). His new discharge date is tentatively set for next Monday, November 9. 5 weeks after he checked in. He's been on 4 floors of the hospital, progressively moving up to his current 8th floor room. He says that's as high as he wants to go there. The rest of he work he'll do from our one-story house. Coming home seems to have a different meaning to all of us now.
(Eliana, Thanksgiving 2007, Pacific Beach, Washington)
(Grandpa Bowman's last Thanksgiving, 2008)
