A Little Brighter

Last year my youngest brother almost died.

Actually, it hasn't even been a whole year yet. But I have to remind myself of this regularly when I look at him, and our family. It hasn't even been a year....

John has made an amazing and blessed recovery. So amazing, in fact, that I forget when people ask how he's doing that they probably expect to hear stories of rehab and surgery and perhaps assisted living centers and long-term care nightmares.

But we don't have any of that.

Last year was a dark year. I can remember being curled up on the couch at 4 in the morning during pretty much the whole month of October sobbing. Thinking of our family without him. The thought of my kids not being old enough to even remember him if he died. Watching my parents try to deal with loving him and losing him. Their child.

And 9 months later I'm up at 4 in the morning because we've got such a happy, fun 4th of July weekend planned that I simply can't sleep because of all of the blessings in our life. John has made such an amazing recovery that I rarely see him and think of the accident at all. And he is such an amazing part of our kids lives that he doesn't even mind when I say he looks like a pterodactyl while chasing Eliana around the house....

And if little brothers can teach you something he has taught me true and genuine gratitude. Something I guess I always thought I processed. But nothing is quite like seeing him share why each one of us is so special to him and how he fought so hard to stay with us. He sees more value in us than we could ever possibly see in ourselves. I want those I love to feel that from me, if only a fraction of what we feel from John.

We've come into a more hopeful and settled place this year. Things are brighter. Something to be truly grateful for. I'll even remember to think back to that first 4th of July with Mr. Pope, eight years ago, when we had just decided to "officially" give "us" a try. It worked out, I think. I'm pretty sure all those fireworks will be celebrating us, and our beautiful collection of family and friends.

But I guess I'm kind of a Narcissist. I get it from my Grandma....

Happy 4th of July!!